Michaela Cole on a Thursday morning

It's been a wicked morning. 

Is crying over a profile piece on the brilliant Michaela Cole normal? Something about her just fills me up. What is it about women who truly fascinate and inspire you?

Just noticed that this piece was published last year on (serendipitously) July 6th which happens to be my birth date. My favourite bits from this article was her talking about empathy and what it means to her, the connection she had with her Air BnB lady in the US, and the way she questioned closure -  'Must there be bloodshed for there to be justice?'

The article also includes her 2018 MacTaggart Lecture. I watched it early this year and I am regretful that I didn't watch it sooner. Ever since, I have been astounded by her. It was not the first time I came across Michaela. I watched her show 'Chewing Gum' in 2017 but I couldn't really connect to the show so I hadn't followed her journey. But this speech that she gave is absolutely brilliant. 

And then, of course, I watched 'I May Destroy You'. 

Oh, what a Friday!

I was not ready!

Namjoon's new collab with eAeon is out. Knowing him, I had not expected it to be anything except beautiful but this is just stunning. Don't is just hauntingly beautiful. 

Here is Joon's part.

 

This song is off eAeon's new album 'Fragile'... I listened to two other tracks and can't wait to hear the entire album now. Thank you for your hard work!!!

portal to life's little big joy

Still struggling with reader's block but I have to admit things are taking a turn for the better. Something's beginning to stir and I'm slowlyyyy getting back to enjoying reading again. 

Yet, it has not been easy. The journey's been slow and, to be honest, quite tedious. It takes me painfully long to complete a single book. Sometimes, I manage to whiz through many chapters in one sitting. Most times I barely finish a couple of pages. 

But despite all these challenges, one thing I have always been able to count on is the wonderful feeling of comfort and joy I get when I meander through my ebook folder. 

It's like having a friend who I know for certain will always have my back. 

I have lots of folders within that folder and it is amazing to take a look around and see all the treasures they contain.

I add new books. Or delete ones I've already read (though that is rare these days as I've been struggling to read). Rifle through the folders to find a particular one I want to send to friends.

Oh what joy that folder holds. Is this what happiness is? LOL

Life's little big pleasures. 

New diet for the nth time

I am quite fed up of putting on weight, being unhealthy, and having a sloth-like and sedentary lifestyle. I also hate exercising. 

But suddenly I'm worried about my physical health as it pertains to the coming years. Must be the side-effect of being in my 30s, living with family, and this pandemic situation. 

I used to be very skinny way back when I was a teenager and in my 20s. But in the late 20s and these recent years, I have been finding it difficult to reconcile myself with the image in the mirror. I know one should embrace their body and love the weight one is in - but I am so unhealthy due to lack of movement and exercise. I can't join the body positivity movement just yet.

Anyway, I am starting a 'watch my food intake' journey. To be absolutely honest, this is a familiar journey that I've been on a few thousand times. I've done crash dieting, Intermittent Fasting, weekly fasting, and no-meat week, two days of complete fasting....Like everything else in life, only consistent effort pays off when you are trying to lose weight or inculcate a habit. Sigh!

But with my laziness and dislike of exercises there seems to be nothing else left but keeping a tight leash on what I consume. 

• Milk-sugar tea/coffee only once a week
• No biscuits/cookies
• No chips
• Cut down on rice 
• At least one fruit everyday
• Lots of water
• More veggies 
• More beans and daal

I've already started the 'no tea' thing and have also started eating more fruits. Let's see how long I can stick to this, yeah!

Hope I lose my excess weight. I also pray for a miracle and I start exercising. 

(I know I could exercise right now but I know I won't so that's why I'm praying for a miracle!)

This morning I came across these insightful statements by Haruki Murakami in his book - What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. 

The man has been running for a really, really long time. And what he writes about interest trumping willpower when it comes to an activity one is not naturally inclined towards or doing something for the long run - that is absolutely true.

If I were not in love with reading, I would have quit happily when I was in the throes of a reading slump  the past couple of years. And I'm the unhealthiest I've ever been with the most weight gain in my life but I can't, for the life of me, find the willpower to exercise.

The Great Indian Kitchen

Wow, I'm fresh off from watching 'The Great Indian Kitchen' and my mind is blown. I would urge everyone to watch this movie. It is on Amazon Prime.

Won't write a long review because I'm pressed for time right now. But this is a beautiful Malayalam movie. The great Indian kitchen is really a metaphor for the patriarchal society the story is set in. It is the story of many women in India and, might I say, across the world. Even today.

Really loved the way it was directed. There was so much cooking and cleaning. It was shot beautifully but it also didn't shy away from showing the realistic scenes of the drudgery of household chores. Cooking looks beautiful when shot aesthetically. But no amount of aesthetic shots can make washing dishes, throwing the leftover food sludge, washing clothes by the well pleasing to the eye or mind.

Jeo Baby, the director, spends a lot of time in the same mundane activities. BUT THAT IS THE POINT. 

These are everyday, repetitive chores that might not seem like much for those who don't carry the unpaid and, often thankless, burden of cooking and cleaning for the house. 

And add anti-feminist traditional systems to the mix and you get a blood boiling social drama.

Will just add that the actors were so good, especially the female lead Ms Nimisha Sajayan. I could feel her mind ticking and her emotions in shambles as she deeply felt all the injustices she was being subjected to.

Let me paraphrase something a film critic said of this movie - It's a story told by a man largely about men which more men should know of. 

I think I am quite inclined to agree with the way she's put it.

A must watch!

stillness amidst chaos

Thinking of the evening sky laden with dusky orange and rose hues as seen from the window of the top floor of my rented apartment in a small part of Kolkata, India. Loud voices, wafting from the neighbourhood, expressing their love and gratitude for the gods, packaged in hymnal music. An era gone by. 

A little heartbroken, a little healed

I'm not sure I am okay. February is coming to an end. 

All good?

Almost close to signing off work, and then between punching the keywords and the relief of a day coming to close, I felt like bursting into tears suddenly. Uhgood was playing. That says it all. I don't know what this young man mixed into this song but it always freaking gets me. I love this song too much but why it always makes me want to cry?

If there's anything life is consistent about, it is new experiences and emotions. Currently vacillating between hope and despair, contentment and ambition, confidence and deep self-doubt, plus many more tangled emotions. So, I find myself lurching about like an uncontrollable car. This is the identity of human beings, I suppose. 

My erratic list of very practical life skills

I jotted down this list for myself as a reminder that I need to calm the fuck down and not be so anxious. I will try to build/edit this continuously. Think of it as a fluid list - just like human beings, it will also change according to needs, knowledge over time. 

Not one of these points are easy for me. In fact, I actively dislike many of them but I think they are important for me to inculcate in my daily life.

• Reading - always and more
• Financial awareness
• Saving - start early
• Not jumping to conclusions
• Tidying up - surprisingly helps improve the vibe of a room
• Bargaining
• Ability to perk oneself up - whatever does it for you, do more of it
• Setting goals - tiny ones to begin with
• Saying no
• Habit of double-checking important stuff around the house
• Basic sewing - buttons, a little tear
• Cooking
• Manifesting/building a vision board - change your life, why don't you?
• Time management - no more multitasking 
• Moving your body - every little bit counts

Something like a cheerleader

Words of Women newsletter is back after a hiatus. She elevates my Mondays. Everyone needs to be subscribed to this newsletter if they aren't already. 

Well, anyway she connected readers to this 2018 Glamour piece. 

Ann Dowd is an actor and here she talks about finding success later in life. I always grapple with feelings of inadequacy, especially now that I am in my 30s and still feeling lost in a new country/culture/career. 

Reading about the actor's staunch belief in herself but also the inevitable emotion of frustration gave me some much needed courage and hope for my own self.

Ann also introduced me to Mary Oliver's lovely poem 'Wild Geese'. 

It has these sublime lines.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Kuri Village

Woke up this morning after almost 15 hours of deep sleep to see a friend post a picture of the beautiful Kuri Village from back home. 

How lovely!

Was awestruck by the beauty of the place and her photography skills. Couldn't resist asking her to send me the picture, and she sent along a bonus. Thanks, Sachi 💕

The weatherman says we might get a bit of snow here, tomorrow. We had heavy snowfall in the last week of January. It felt luxurious to be able to stay home while the world was blanketed in the glaring white snow. No trudging in the snow to get to work. No risk of slipping on the dangerous ice.