A fine, fucking Sunday - thank you BTS!

 I love Bangtan so much.

The end of the epic 4-day PTD in Las Vegas! And what a fucking finish to a legendary moment in life.

Fav chaotic duo

 

Everything felt different somehow in the last show.

Black Swan seemed to have new choreo. 

JK seemed even more energetic than his usual self if that's possible.

Tae was so jumpy and happy. 

Just model Tae walking the runway lol

Jimin and JK were cutely running around photobombing the members during Life Goes On. hehe.

Suga inundated with hundreds of 'Yoongi, marry me' posters hahahah. And he was like there are many drive-through wedding places in Las Vegas hahahaha

hahaha

Speaking of posters - there were many witty and cute ones. 

I loved what Hobi was wearing here. (Can't seem to find a full body pic right now)

I was so proud of JK and Hobi's English speeches. They have become so fluent in the language. This motivates me immensely to learn Korean. The Bangtan Academy classes begin in May - I'm so excited!!!!

And Hobi took a moment out of his speech time to thank Jin for still delivering a world class performance despite his injury so that bts on stage looked like the cohesive team they are. I believe Jin seemed really shy and a bit overwhelmed at this praise from his dance leader. During his own speech, Jin expressed regret that he hurt himself which hindered the quality of performance BTS is known for and he apologised to his band members. Tae was having none of that and immediately stood up and went up to Jin to say NO, you are not a burden to us, okay!!! 😭

Oh the fuzzy warm feelings don't stop there. Joon initiated hugs with his members. Now that makes me proud idk why lol. When he stepped to share his final thoughts, JK went 'our boss' hehehhehehehe.

my fav duo ever 

He was also in a nostalgic mood as he went all the way back to the AHL days when they were cleaning hotels and asking people to come to their concert.

Joon gave a full bow to army. And LAB dance team returned the bow to Bangtan.

THE ENDING WAS LEGENDARY. I mean Joon had been hinting something was coming because he kept saying stay with us till the end. BUT THAT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!

When I heard the heard the words 'WE ARE BULLETPROOF' and saw the June 10th date, I literally flopped my legs and squealed loudly and sat up on my bed. hahahaha....After I calmed down, I found my own instinctive reaction so hilarious. 

I am so happy. Thank you, BTS for always colouring my life with joy. I will keep praying for only the best things for you.

BTS IS COMING!!

Update - Still in love with Haikyu

I have 12 volumes left. JUST 12 PRECIOUS VOLUMES!!!!

Haikyu has been amazing from start to finish. I loved, loved, loved the anime when I watched it in June/July earlier this year. I had been meaning to watch Haikyu for the longest time but somehow never got around to it until that fateful day in June.

Now, I can't seem to get over it. I simply adore the manga. I am currently about to complete Volume 33.

I don't know if I will ever read another manga that can give me the same thrill and happiness. I bet I sound so dramatic...argh...but truly, Haikyu is just that story that will forever hold me captive.

The writer is simply exceptional at what he does. The story, the characters, the growth, the tension.....it is all simply sublime. And he put it best when he said this in one of his interviews.

Update-

After having the pleasure of reading this manga and getting so involved in the story, it sparked an interest in volleyball within me. I even searched up a short video or two of a game on YouTube.

I've come to the end of my first-time-ever Haikyu reading journey, but I hope to get the pleasure of revisiting this precious story - both in manga and anime form - repeatedly throughout the coming years.

The most beautiful moments in life

The most beautiful moments in life (MY TOP THREE)

• When I discovered I could download free ebooks. It was amazing. It gave me such a tremendous rush to find myself on the threshold of being within reach of a hugeeeeeee library of books. That felt like freedom. That felt like power

• Falling in love.

• Financial independence. Not simply earning money, but the joy of spending, saving, wasting my own money as I see fit. Every day is a blessing.

Cat enjoys a sunny day and a big leaf.

Hashtag blessed

The past few weeks have been good to me. Or rather, I've been good to myself. 

Just some few, low-key gifts of existence, but beautiful. And work life is looking good, mental health is great, weekend coming up. I'll take that as a win-win.

On Monday evening after work, I stepped out to the garden and found the mint in all its glory. They look so healthy and fresh, don't they?

Oh, what a Friday!

I was not ready!

Namjoon's new collab with eAeon is out. Knowing him, I had not expected it to be anything except beautiful but this is just stunning. Don't is just hauntingly beautiful. 

Here is Joon's part.

 

This song is off eAeon's new album 'Fragile'... I listened to two other tracks and can't wait to hear the entire album now. Thank you for your hard work!!!

Little Forest

The last day of January was particularly difficult. The usual emotions of stress, guilt, imposter syndrome, and grief.

Cried alone, hidden away in my room as usual. 

But I found a treat even on such a grey and morose day. Got around to watching 'Little Forest' finally. I've been wanting to watch this movie for a couple of years. Maybe the best things are really worth waiting for, huh.

'Little Forest' is a Korean movie based on a Japanese manga of the same name. There's also a Japanese movie whose cinematography is supposedly phenomenal. But this 2018 Korean adaptation has my heart.

This movie feels quiet and large at the same time, you know? Like it is just a small cog in this wheel of life but the mighty strength it exudes feels so all-encompassing and safe.

The story brief goes like this - Hye-won returns to her village home after failing an important exam in Seoul which would have started her career as a teacher. She is already battling old and new emotional scars - an unresolved issue concerning her mother, an unfulfilling stressful job, feeling lost. But when asked the reason for her return, she simply says she was hungry. 

And how she eats!

Like a lot of young people who see the culmination of their dreams achievable only in the shiny bright city lights, Hye-won sees this return only as a hiatus. A brief respite from the overwhelming grind of city life and the rat race. She is in no hurry to get back. After all, she only has a convenience store job and a faltering bond with her boyfriend - both of which, at best, only have a tenuous hold on her.

Back in her village, she has time and the environment to heal as well as two old friends, wholesome food and memories of her mother. Unlike the unforgiving pace of the city, she can bask in the luxury of time to find healing at a pace she is comfortable in.

The friendships are wholesome and lovely. 

One friend dreams of pursuing a better life in the city. She has had enough of her boring village life and her bank manager. 

The other has walked away from a 9-5 office life and a girlfriend only to return home to find his roots in farming. A revitalised life for him.

And what is Hye-won seeking? What has she come back for? 

Perhaps the hunger she was referring to was not just for comfort food. Possibly, what she needed was solace in the form of old, familiar things and a slowing down of life and time to readjust her life's compass.

For now, she is taking each day as it comes.

She wants to be here for the winter, then she wants to see the spring. She wants to be there when her tomatoes ripen and when the onions grow. 

Summer comes around and then the next winter snow starts blanketing the earth.

Like the best of slice-of-life movies, 'Little Forest' makes its viewers want to experience the character's daily life. But as we stray into the danger zone - of losing ourselves in the beauty of 'the simple life' and aesthetics shots of Hye-won cooking and working in the fields, we are reminded that this is no easy life. It is backbreaking work and there's the risk of a freak rainfall ruining your chances of a good harvest. This 'simple life' involves copious amounts of physically hard work and vast knowledge of the plants, the earth, and the seasons. 

I thought it did a great job of pulling me back to reality. Because I would make a poor farmer. I cannot even keep a pot of plant alive.

I found the movie very charming. It was just the pick-me-up I needed. 

The underlying message of the story is well captured in the following quote.

“When things are hard, remember the scent of the land, the wind and sun here, then I know you can dust yourself off and get up again. Let's think of it as a start of a long trip to return home well.”

It is a reminder that there is always hope. A reminder to keep the faith. To hold on to good memories and good friends. And ultimately, to always believe in oneself.

'Little Forest' was a perfect blend of story and acting and directing. It was not slow. It was not hurried. It had its own sweet rhythm and flow.

And through it all we go along with Hye-won on her journey of running away, forgetting, healing, remembering and finally finding the strength to face her future.

A non-essential list of essential joys

I picked up this title and idea some time ago, from somewhere on the internet. I forget where though.

But here's my recent non-essential list of essential joys.

1. Ariana's 34+35 song. Thanks, Namjoon.😁
2. Accomplishing little things at work.
3. Feeling proud of cutting meat from my diet for a week.
4. Losing a bit of my weight.
5. Wearing lipstick.
6. Talking kindly to myself. 'You nice, keep going!'
7. Reading some manga.
8. The Botaworks account on Instagram. I love this account so much.
9. Discussions on motherhood and social conventions.
10. Lazy old me going for an evening walk three times this week.
11. Listening to podcasts on manifestation.
12. Realising that our cats don't have fleas anymore. Yay!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 路上園芸学会 | Ayako Murata (@botaworks)

 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 路上園芸学会 | Ayako Murata (@botaworks)

A poem for small things

*written sometime in April

 

 

Every day now, time is a concept, divided into four parts. Time for tea after I wake up, time during the day when I’m in bed in front of my laptop, time to go downstairs to cook dinner, time for myself after dinner.

 

These four periods are tied together by a common thread. I offer a poem for small things.

 

I look at accounts dedicated to plants on Instagram. They transport me out of my sometimes frankly stale world into a fresher, healthier realm. I also want to understand what the writer intends to say in their native language but the translation is off. ‘Space valid’ – I ponder over this translation for a few seconds and suppose that they probably meant to write the space has been used well and give my own conclusion my stamp of approval.

 

I scroll through Tumblr blogs, marvelling at the sheer witticisms of people.  

 

I love how BTS fans love the group so much they have created cool animated videos, hilarious memes, countless videos to form a cohesive story about why BTS deserves this love. This feeds into my admiration for the artists. ARMY, you are amazing!

 

I am happy we have eggs and flour and lemons at home.

 

I am grateful we have a big freezer. Though it is half empty now, we can still stock up when we’re really running low.

 

I am grateful we have more females than males in this house. Sometimes, I wonder if my aunt loves my brother this much because she practically raised him or because he is the only son in this house. 

 

And sometimes, I wonder at the miracle of believing that anything is possible for me now.

 

This time has proved to be indispensable – I needed to recalibrate. I feel less and less like myself every day. Or am I more and more like myself? I wasn’t this irritable. I wasn’t this cruel. I wasn’t this stupid. I wasn’t this egoistic (perhaps that’s preferable to being egotistic..:P). But I am now.

 

I need to calm down. I need to regroup my emotions and thoughts. If I continue along this path, I am nervous about where I will end up. There are dark clouds all the time now.  

 

This quarantine period has given me clarity on the small things that give me so much joy. The things and feelings that come up unprompted. When I am offered a cup of tea suddenly. When I feel a burst of energy and inspiration to make dinner and I’m alone in the kitchen. When I slip into fresh sheets after a refreshing shower at night and I pat myself on the back for having that energy to change my sheets at some point during the day.

 

And then sometimes, my small things are unpleasant for other people. Am I even allowed to share these? Like, I am joyous when I manage to sneak downstairs without encountering my family. I feel satisfied when I can take a whole day without any of them asking me why I’m in my room always. When I can grab food but my family’s around but they don’t talk to me and I successfully run upstairs to my sanctuary. I am ashamed to admit this but it is my small victory.

 

I dream of living alone all the time. I dream of being able to hang around in my balcony or in the backyard without having anyone around. I dream of cooking when and what I want. 

 

I offer a prayer I don’t have a child. I wouldn’t be a good parent in this present state of mind. It is quite sad considering I’d always imagined I would have started a family at this age. Now I’m not even sure I want a child at all.

 

Nothing is small if it brings you joy. Nothing is small if it brings you pain. Because that second of emotion is all you’re feeling at that time. You’re awash with love or sorrow. That’s all you know right that moment.

 

So, I say a poem for my small things. 

bittersweet

How can a song squeeze your heart every single time? And if it is 1 am, you will invariably end up crying. This song from RM's second mixtape - or what he called playlist- just tugs my heart. It is such a contrast, in that it squeezes my heart tightly and makes me cry and then envelops me into a huge warm hug telling me everything will be okay. Have you ever had that with a song? I have never.

uhgood

"Being off is such a painful thing

It’s something you don’t know unless you experience it

My ideal and reality–

They are too far apart"

Head to doolsetbangtan for more feels.

'small but certain happiness'

a truth we cannot escape from is the fact that our lives can get tedious at times. 

we get so caught up in the business of living -  which is sometimes only about surviving - it is forgivable to assume life is nothing but a chore. but if we are vigilant, we can recognise small moments of pure bliss that flit through our days. when I am able to distinguish those moments I make an attempt to offer my thanks to the universe.

my list of small but certain happiness (inspired from Haruki Murakami's 1986 essay 'Afternoon in the Islets of Langerhans') will always find new additions but for now, they look like this.

• coming back home after a tiring commute
• slipping into fresh sheets after a refreshing shower
• looking at my new-still-with-tags clothes 
• my eyeliner turning out great on the first try
• making someone laugh (intentionally.....lol)
• cool breeze at the end of a hot evening
• running my hands through clean hair
• finding out I've lost some weight
• realising the drama I'm just starting to watch is extremely enjoyable
• catching the early bus or train as soon as I reach the station
• buying gifts for my family
• drinking hot tea while the rain is pouring outside
• that excitement when I think of certain books and dramas 
• seeing the evening sky awash in majestic colours
• being alone in the house
• finding a shade from the hot sun
• applying the perfect shade of lipstick
• stumbling across something very interesting to read on social media
• cooking alone while blasting loud music or listening to a podcast
• finally completing a tediously long book
• completing all my chores, taking a shower and getting to rest in my bed
• a nice conversation with a friend
• finding out my dad doesn't need help with emails or stuff.....👌

these are small moments but I get to experience peace and comfort through them.

as they say, with great power comes great responsibility

Global stars BTS spoke up in support of the #BlackLivesMatter movement that is currently ongoing in the US and across different parts of the world.

The artists (and BigHit) also extended financial support with a donation of $1 million earlier this week. 

As the news broke out, ARMY, who was already starting to collect money for BLM, launched an online fundraiser to match BTS' donation. This massive fundraiser called upon ARMYs and any fans or collaborators of BTS' to contribute. Online activism was at its peak (even thought ARMY was already speaking up loud and clear) that day. There were continuous tweets, fundraiser updates, and tagging celebrities the entire day.

I was up for 20 hours (7th to 8th June) reading up on the latest happenings of this fundraiser. It was so heartening to see everyone wholeheartedly supporting the BLM movement. Racial injustice has long been a bleak and harsh truth. Police brutality being the reason of one more innocent black life lost pushed everyone to act.

We need people with influence to speak up and share their support publicly. ARMY was proud of the boys for speaking up and contributing financially to this fight for equality and respect. The boys' influence was so vast that ARMYs across the globe started donating whatever they could spare to match the artists' donation.

And we made it!!! 

$1m million within 24 hours....

I donated a tiny amount. I hope that helps, one way or another.

Thank you, BTS, for speaking up and showing solidarity with fellow human beings. Your visibility in this movement helps affect how young people think and behave. I'm sure your black fans appreciate your support. And your non-black fans will remember your stand in this important matter and try to emulate you.

To top that spectacular day, BTS was part of YouTube's  #Classof2020 celebration. They shared their personal graduation stories and also spoke about what has helped them function as adults today. Namjoon said to keep on pushing ahead and that we are alone but together. Yoongi said learn to let go of things you can't change and focus on what you can actually do something about. Jin said don't compare yourself with others and it's okay to go on at your own pace. Hobi said take that one more step when you feel like giving up and one more again, every time. Jimin said you will always be loved. Tae said remember that luck and opportunity is waiting for you. Jung Kook said have faith in yourself.

My graduation is long gone. But I'm still always in need of support and comfort like anyone. I hope the young graduates, who watched the YouTube celebration on their behalf, found warmth and took comfort from everyone who spoke at the event.

The best was saved for the last and BTS gave one of their cutest performances to date. The boys looked happy and comfortable. They sounded amazing. What more can any ARMY wish for?

giggles

me, by myself, feeling happy

is it weird that I feel deep deep happiness when I suddenly think of books in general or even Goodreads and some Korean dramas? I'm like yahoooo (but in my heart so that no one thinks I'm crazy).

I'm not the only one, am I?

I hope everyone has something/s that gives you warmth and love and excitement.

take comfort

would somebody please just do a comprehensive research on the impact of BTS on their listeners and fans across the world?

yes, they are a huge source of entertainment. their songs are amazing. they dance like........ they are fucking charming. let me get all these crossed off the list.

but, personally, I think the people who listen to BTS and then stay, do so because BTS is a source of hope and comfort. it is comforting to see young men work hard, be fun, be silly, struggle with their own issues, and try to help others. this is the epitome of normal young people everywhere, I believe. because all of us are just trying to live and be better, every day. we want to do more than survive. but we struggle to be happy for more than a few days continuously. so we try to find peace, hope and comfort where we can. and we share. we reach out to family and friends. friends and family. we share. we discuss. our cries are our own. but then we try to take a breath and remember we have a tomorrow where perhaps we can have a better day.

their thoughts aren't exactly revolutionary. but the world hasn't seen a group of young artists like BTS before. and I say this because no where has there been artists who've connected with masses- transcending race and language- as they have. there's love. and there's love.

they are special because they aren't perfect. they try. they project. they try. they fail. sometimes, they share. and that is special.

young people will listen to their music. watch their videos. laugh with them, at them, for them. and then they will remember each member for their individual stories. they will save memes. they will make memories. they will internalise what a member said that touched them deeply. if they take that to heart, maybe we will have a world where we have an army of empathetic and strong human beings who believe that sorrow and hurt is meant for us all but it doesn't have to spell the end for us.