open for business

Just heard from my boss.

I'm frequently scared of the world, my role in it, and question whether I have it in me to do the tasks I'm supposed to. Is that hard to understand?

Of course, there are days when I'm filled to the brim with confidence but if you've ever felt unsure and insignificant, you know that this pain can be kind of dilapidating. It can immerse you in a state of dull despair for days. You question everything. You doubt whether you will be able to achieve anything in life. in fact, you are not certain if you can get through life, sometimes.

So, I heard from my boss. He congratulated me on something that I had done way back in February whose effect was just now showing. I've been on furlough for months now. Hence, my first instinct was to credit the accomplishment backto him. But I paused. What if I did something radical and just acknowledged it?

"Thank you"

"Yes, you did very well. Good work! We have been doing pretty well on other spheres, too. And we have more to do when you come back."

I've decided to shrug off the doubts and fear for today. I will conquer my little world.

heart's ease

This is what I used to think of every time I watched Korean dramas. The subtitles would be structured differently and I would wonder why, but over time I started understanding the rhythm of the language and the placement of culture in the words. 

These days, this holds true when I read Korean to English translations of BTS songs. Namjoon and Yoongi's lyricisms always hit me. I really love having the privilege of understanding where they are coming from and how they think about certain situations and topics. 

I turn to doolset lyrics for all my BTS translations.

SKY Castle - educating viewers about the futility of secondhand dreams

Finished watching SKY Castle and all I can say is 'it is a must watch'. 

This is an important show not just because we can learn about the crippling competition in South Korea's education system, but the universal emotion of parental expectation and how many children's lives are being ruined by having to carry this burden. The show also explores the relationship dynamics between couples and other parents as they direct their children's education and life plans. There are layers to unravel and deeper emotions to unpack.

Education is very important because learning is important. Let us not relegate education as the foremost tool to getting 'forward' in life. Families who mistakenly believe they know what's best for their children and then proceed to unload their personal ambitions on their offsprings can cause more harm than good. It is human to err but we are also blessed with emotional intelligence so let us try to learn from mistakes and examples.

The show has some fine quality actors. I swear I was oscillating between pitying the characters and then wanting to punch the same people in the space of two episodes. Every time I saw some of the characters smirking, I had to pause the show and go rant to my friend. My blood pressure must have shot sky high!

The drama is excellently written, the characters are well fleshed out, the pacing is great. There is angst, there is black humour, there is passion, there is tenderness, and there is pure comedy gold. 

Viewers can assume some characters could be caricatures of the helicopter parents we read about but honestly, the characters are very well written with their own personalities and stories. 

The drama doesn't only depict the competitive nature of education in S.Korea and the burden this places on children but goes on to show the ways it can adversely affect families. Some actions have irrevocable consequences. Yet, we can easily continue on the path to destruction assuming WE are stronger than THEM, that WE make better decisions than the ones who walked the same path before us. This is a way of thinking most of us are familiar with.

Watch SKY Castle for the fantastic storyline and the amazing actors. It holds up a very honest mirror to society. Whether you live in South Korea or some other part of the world, you will be able to understand the futility of chasing your dreams through someone else.

Director Jo Hyun-Tak and writer Yoo Hyun-Mi have done so so well. I look forward to more of their work.

P.S.- SKY is an acronym for the top three universities in the country - Seoul National University, Korea University and Yonsei University,  where the nation's best compete to enrol.  

no more dreams

take one step forward. victorious! then it is three steps back. down, down, the rabbit hole of despair. why is everything so strange and ugly? why is everything tinged with sorrow? why does nothing make sense?

hello worldddddddd... I need a fucking break. please.

'small but certain happiness'

a truth we cannot escape from is the fact that our lives can get tedious at times. 

we get so caught up in the business of living -  which is sometimes only about surviving - it is forgivable to assume life is nothing but a chore. but if we are vigilant, we can recognise small moments of pure bliss that flit through our days. when I am able to distinguish those moments I make an attempt to offer my thanks to the universe.

my list of small but certain happiness (inspired from Haruki Murakami's 1986 essay 'Afternoon in the Islets of Langerhans') will always find new additions but for now, they look like this.

• coming back home after a tiring commute
• slipping into fresh sheets after a refreshing shower
• looking at my new-still-with-tags clothes 
• my eyeliner turning out great on the first try
• making someone laugh (intentionally.....lol)
• cool breeze at the end of a hot evening
• running my hands through clean hair
• finding out I've lost some weight
• realising the drama I'm just starting to watch is extremely enjoyable
• catching the early bus or train as soon as I reach the station
• buying gifts for my family
• drinking hot tea while the rain is pouring outside
• that excitement when I think of certain books and dramas 
• seeing the evening sky awash in majestic colours
• being alone in the house
• finding a shade from the hot sun
• applying the perfect shade of lipstick
• stumbling across something very interesting to read on social media
• cooking alone while blasting loud music or listening to a podcast
• finally completing a tediously long book
• completing all my chores, taking a shower and getting to rest in my bed
• a nice conversation with a friend
• finding out my dad doesn't need help with emails or stuff.....👌

these are small moments but I get to experience peace and comfort through them.

groovy nights!

Just one of those nights when I vibe to BTS songs.

Usually starts like this - okay, I'll listen to that song and get back to this book.

Before long I'm sprawled out on the bed looking up at the ceiling and enjoying the night breeze. Track number 12 or 16 is playing from one of my many BTS playlists. And I have different playlists dedicated to them - BTS favs, classics, energisers, mellow, etc.


"HOW MUCH LOVE, HOW MUCH JOY!"

finally ventured out

I went out yesterday for the first time since mid March. This was my first proper trip out in months, barring the three times I've been to the supermarket and the couple of times I've been to the park.

I felt like a tourist and I was looking at everything as if I were seeing it all for the first time. There were markers everywhere showing shoppers where to go and which path to follow. The new rule states that we need to wear masks when using public transportation. But outside, on the streets and inside stores, there was no such rule. People are supposed to sit further away from each other on the bus.

I put on eyeliner. I even put on some foundation and concealer to celebrate the fact that I'm putting on make up. ehhhehee. It felt great and I looked nice, not gonna lie.

I was only going to the optician's but I put on a new jacket and a cute new top.

I've ordered two pairs of glasses for my poor eyes. I like the frames. I pick them up in a couple days (will put up pictures if I remember).