heart's ease

This is what I used to think of every time I watched Korean dramas. The subtitles would be structured differently and I would wonder why, but over time I started understanding the rhythm of the language and the placement of culture in the words. 

These days, this holds true when I read Korean to English translations of BTS songs. Namjoon and Yoongi's lyricisms always hit me. I really love having the privilege of understanding where they are coming from and how they think about certain situations and topics. 

I turn to doolset lyrics for all my BTS translations.

SKY Castle - educating viewers about the futility of secondhand dreams

Finished watching SKY Castle and all I can say is 'it is a must watch'. 

This is an important show not just because we can learn about the crippling competition in South Korea's education system, but the universal emotion of parental expectation and how many children's lives are being ruined by having to carry this burden. The show also explores the relationship dynamics between couples and other parents as they direct their children's education and life plans. There are layers to unravel and deeper emotions to unpack.

Education is very important because learning is important. Let us not relegate education as the foremost tool to getting 'forward' in life. Families who mistakenly believe they know what's best for their children and then proceed to unload their personal ambitions on their offsprings can cause more harm than good. It is human to err but we are also blessed with emotional intelligence so let us try to learn from mistakes and examples.

The show has some fine quality actors. I swear I was oscillating between pitying the characters and then wanting to punch the same people in the space of two episodes. Every time I saw some of the characters smirking, I had to pause the show and go rant to my friend. My blood pressure must have shot sky high!

The drama is excellently written, the characters are well fleshed out, the pacing is great. There is angst, there is black humour, there is passion, there is tenderness, and there is pure comedy gold. 

Viewers can assume some characters could be caricatures of the helicopter parents we read about but honestly, the characters are very well written with their own personalities and stories. 

The drama doesn't only depict the competitive nature of education in S.Korea and the burden this places on children but goes on to show the ways it can adversely affect families. Some actions have irrevocable consequences. Yet, we can easily continue on the path to destruction assuming WE are stronger than THEM, that WE make better decisions than the ones who walked the same path before us. This is a way of thinking most of us are familiar with.

Watch SKY Castle for the fantastic storyline and the amazing actors. It holds up a very honest mirror to society. Whether you live in South Korea or some other part of the world, you will be able to understand the futility of chasing your dreams through someone else.

Director Jo Hyun-Tak and writer Yoo Hyun-Mi have done so so well. I look forward to more of their work.

P.S.- SKY is an acronym for the top three universities in the country - Seoul National University, Korea University and Yonsei University,  where the nation's best compete to enrol.  

no more dreams

take one step forward. victorious! then it is three steps back. down, down, the rabbit hole of despair. why is everything so strange and ugly? why is everything tinged with sorrow? why does nothing make sense?

hello worldddddddd... I need a fucking break. please.

'small but certain happiness'

a truth we cannot escape from is the fact that our lives can get tedious at times. 

we get so caught up in the business of living -  which is sometimes only about surviving - it is forgivable to assume life is nothing but a chore. but if we are vigilant, we can recognise small moments of pure bliss that flit through our days. when I am able to distinguish those moments I make an attempt to offer my thanks to the universe.

my list of small but certain happiness (inspired from Haruki Murakami's 1986 essay 'Afternoon in the Islets of Langerhans') will always find new additions but for now, they look like this.

• coming back home after a tiring commute
• slipping into fresh sheets after a refreshing shower
• looking at my new-still-with-tags clothes 
• my eyeliner turning out great on the first try
• making someone laugh (intentionally.....lol)
• cool breeze at the end of a hot evening
• running my hands through clean hair
• finding out I've lost some weight
• realising the drama I'm just starting to watch is extremely enjoyable
• catching the early bus or train as soon as I reach the station
• buying gifts for my family
• drinking hot tea while the rain is pouring outside
• that excitement when I think of certain books and dramas 
• seeing the evening sky awash in majestic colours
• being alone in the house
• finding a shade from the hot sun
• applying the perfect shade of lipstick
• stumbling across something very interesting to read on social media
• cooking alone while blasting loud music or listening to a podcast
• finally completing a tediously long book
• completing all my chores, taking a shower and getting to rest in my bed
• a nice conversation with a friend
• finding out my dad doesn't need help with emails or stuff.....👌

these are small moments but I get to experience peace and comfort through them.

groovy nights!

Just one of those nights when I vibe to BTS songs.

Usually starts like this - okay, I'll listen to that song and get back to this book.

Before long I'm sprawled out on the bed looking up at the ceiling and enjoying the night breeze. Track number 12 or 16 is playing from one of my many BTS playlists. And I have different playlists dedicated to them - BTS favs, classics, energisers, mellow, etc.


"HOW MUCH LOVE, HOW MUCH JOY!"

finally ventured out

I went out yesterday for the first time since mid March. This was my first proper trip out in months, barring the three times I've been to the supermarket and the couple of times I've been to the park.

I felt like a tourist and I was looking at everything as if I were seeing it all for the first time. There were markers everywhere showing shoppers where to go and which path to follow. The new rule states that we need to wear masks when using public transportation. But outside, on the streets and inside stores, there was no such rule. People are supposed to sit further away from each other on the bus.

I put on eyeliner. I even put on some foundation and concealer to celebrate the fact that I'm putting on make up. ehhhehee. It felt great and I looked nice, not gonna lie.

I was only going to the optician's but I put on a new jacket and a cute new top.

I've ordered two pairs of glasses for my poor eyes. I like the frames. I pick them up in a couple days (will put up pictures if I remember).

Sundown

I took tea outside

To contemplate life’s sighs

Alone but not quite

Golden hour, softened 

Sky painted blues and purples 

A swathe of orange

How many colours

Should I boldly try on me

Can I stick to one

Little terrors come

Day, night, any time

Sometimes I squash, sometimes they 

Sweet evening breeze

Rustles my mother’s flowers

Then they spring up again

I drink my tea hot

Shiver in the breeze 

Evening air around me

all the bad days, they're everywhere now

where are the words to explain how I feel? how many ways are there to examine this erupting mountain of memories and loss? why do I feel so torn between taking the next big step? one minute I feel certain it is the right way, the only way, to go. another moment passes by and I hear his voice say 'so everything's my fault? you think you never did anything wrong?'. then all that certainty dissolves to form a bitter pool of tears. i am a storm of rage. why? why? you know what you did wrong!!! how could you not know the different ways you lessened my being? yet why do i still make excuses for you in my head? why does it still hurt to think i might be causing you sorrow? this world's take on relationships and struggles is confusing me. am i supposed to forgive past transgressions because this is what relationships are all about? because this is what being a partner means - giving chances, working on your problems, forging a new path in life together. but what if I can't afford to give him chances because he had 10 years to be better, do better but all he did was continue being the worst version of himself. 

I am sorry to the woman i was for shrinking, for forgetting, for forgiving. 

in case no one's told this to you lately....

When you are feeling tired and unhappy and lost, I want you to remember that your exhaustion is valid but today is just one day. This life still holds for you:

1. the joy of drinking tea

2. the excitement of finding new books

3. the changing seasons that mark the passage of time

4. the capacity to learn new things

5. the choice to be kind, to be better

6. the ability to push forward

7. the power to forgive yourself

8. the wonder of nature that can dazzle your mind

9. the rejuvenating power of sleep to heal you

10. the anticipation of going home after an exhausting day

as they say, with great power comes great responsibility

Global stars BTS spoke up in support of the #BlackLivesMatter movement that is currently ongoing in the US and across different parts of the world.

The artists (and BigHit) also extended financial support with a donation of $1 million earlier this week. 

As the news broke out, ARMY, who was already starting to collect money for BLM, launched an online fundraiser to match BTS' donation. This massive fundraiser called upon ARMYs and any fans or collaborators of BTS' to contribute. Online activism was at its peak (even thought ARMY was already speaking up loud and clear) that day. There were continuous tweets, fundraiser updates, and tagging celebrities the entire day.

I was up for 20 hours (7th to 8th June) reading up on the latest happenings of this fundraiser. It was so heartening to see everyone wholeheartedly supporting the BLM movement. Racial injustice has long been a bleak and harsh truth. Police brutality being the reason of one more innocent black life lost pushed everyone to act.

We need people with influence to speak up and share their support publicly. ARMY was proud of the boys for speaking up and contributing financially to this fight for equality and respect. The boys' influence was so vast that ARMYs across the globe started donating whatever they could spare to match the artists' donation.

And we made it!!! 

$1m million within 24 hours....

I donated a tiny amount. I hope that helps, one way or another.

Thank you, BTS, for speaking up and showing solidarity with fellow human beings. Your visibility in this movement helps affect how young people think and behave. I'm sure your black fans appreciate your support. And your non-black fans will remember your stand in this important matter and try to emulate you.

To top that spectacular day, BTS was part of YouTube's  #Classof2020 celebration. They shared their personal graduation stories and also spoke about what has helped them function as adults today. Namjoon said to keep on pushing ahead and that we are alone but together. Yoongi said learn to let go of things you can't change and focus on what you can actually do something about. Jin said don't compare yourself with others and it's okay to go on at your own pace. Hobi said take that one more step when you feel like giving up and one more again, every time. Jimin said you will always be loved. Tae said remember that luck and opportunity is waiting for you. Jung Kook said have faith in yourself.

My graduation is long gone. But I'm still always in need of support and comfort like anyone. I hope the young graduates, who watched the YouTube celebration on their behalf, found warmth and took comfort from everyone who spoke at the event.

The best was saved for the last and BTS gave one of their cutest performances to date. The boys looked happy and comfortable. They sounded amazing. What more can any ARMY wish for?

a foreign problem in a foreign land

around the end of last year, I come across an article where the writer was discussing whether it is important to seek a therapist who understands your culture. this has stuck with me and is one of the core reasons why i hesitate to go to therapist here in the UK.

how do you explain to a British therapist why your Asian roots and upbringing seem to be a burden? what guarantee can you get that your problems, which perhaps are not of the universal variety, will find a practical solution or guide from the therapist whose experiences and belief system are very different to yours? this is a very sobering thought. the nuances of culture and tradition are hard to explain to somebody who hasn't lived them or even knows what they are. so how can I expect help?