voices in my head

when life gives you lemons......

Twyla Tharp, American dancer and choreographer

a much needed reminder that life goes on, and all we can AND should do is move on.

took this from Words of Women's Instagram. Follow for free nuggets of gold.

meow me dead

the cats here make me nervous. why are they so big? but they are so beautiful and i would love to pet one but I've only ever seen one up close. it was a mix of soft grey and white. i also saw an orange Garfield looking cat once in my backyard.

i'm just not brave enough to stroke big cats that look like they could attack and eat me whenever they choose.

where there is art

My heartfelt gratitude to creative minds and artistic visions across the world for their works of art that provide succour to my anxious heart. 

A stable world might need more engineers, lawyers, and doctors and that is absolutely fine. But art has proven to be of immense comfort to the millions of us who are fortunate to be able to stay home and access art in its various forms. We have all collectively turned to art in these times. How cathartic is art today! Be it in the form of books, music, painting, TV shows and movies, or dancing, art has come to be the nexus for friends and families while alleviating our worries.

Here is August Alsina's beautiful 'Song Cry'. And here is Yeonjun's cover of 'Song Cry'

is there anything left? anymore coming?

Once in a while I sit and wonder sadly if I've reached peak Korean dramas and what if there's nowhere to go from here. What if this is it?

Because I've already watched, laughed, loved and cried over Reply 1988, Misaeng and My Mister.

This seriously hurts.

REPLY 1988

MY MISTER

MISAENG

you lived well, Irrfan. rest in peace.

Irrfan Khan passed away today. I don't know why but I feel emotional now. I mean I've never felt this sad about the death of a public figure.

Undoubtedly, he was one of the best actors of the Indian film industry. He easily straddled between commercial and indie cinema, and also successfully worked in both Bollywood and Hollywood films. He had this extremely appealing humour which reflected on his characters and the projects he took up.

People will always remember him for his great attitude. As far as I can recall, there has never been any negative press about him. His colleagues have always had nice things to say about him. Media has always been respectful towards him.

His death has left me thinking. I was scrolling through social media, and there was a long post on Irrfan Khan and his legacy and then below it was a post on gardening and someone else had shared their selfie and someone else had written about their quarantine life. I read about Irrfan's death early this morning but after that initial shock, I also moved on and I was actually feeling good today. Such is the transient nature of life. We might leave an impact but it doesn't really matter, does it?

This Covid-19 has killed many. We don't know who those faceless people are. Did they matter? How much did they matter? Who did they matter to? Our lives go on, whether we are ready to move on or not. We don't have a choice. The only thing on the other side is death and is that the choice we want to make? Yes, perhaps some of us do but then that is an irrevocable step. There's never been anyone to tell us that choice was the best one for that individual and they've never been happier than now that they are dead.

Thank you, Mr Khan. For your humour. For some of the best films. For some of the best AIB videos. For being so fun to watch on screen. For seeming accessible and being aspirational and inspirational. For reinforcing that everything in life is momentary and to try to cherish everything that makes up my life.

sink or swim or sink

it is mid morning and I'm feeling like myself after a really long time. or who I used to be. I just wanted to capture this moment to remind myself in the days to come that life can be nice, good, okay. she was a happy girl, whoever I was in the past. she didn't need much to be okay.

happiness is......

.....suddenly finding that perfect position in bed to read and watch TV shows on your laptop!

yeah, yeah

        revisiting hours

today

things I ate today.

1. one cup of tea
2. one boiled egg
3. one sausage
4. one orange
5. one bowl of soup
6. three bowls of soupy macaroni

things I learned today.

1. how much I can save
2. how expensive new houses are
3. how scary ageing can be
4. how immature I am
5. how expensive traveling is

things I decided to do today.

1. try to complete my assignment
2. try to read on ageing/growing old

things I did today.

1. felt sad about growing old without having achieved anything substantial 
2. felt happy to have skipped oily fried dinner
3. tried to complete my assignment
4. listened to a webinar for work

what does it take to rebuild a world?

sometimes I cry and I don't even know why. I've forgotten the reasons for my sorrow but bitterness holds firm and lingers even today.

so I ask myself what does it take to rebuild a world?

I should find a reason to feel better, be better, act better every day.

be kinder to my parents. watch my tone of voice.

be better to my body. walk around in my room while watching a video.

listen to music or podcasts that plant kernels of inspiration and joy. learn.

take steps to be more honest while writing. rewrite.

reconcile with reading. hold on.