reflect and reset

I think this is the Kaveri River in southern India. We were in the train for a few days so I'm not certain.

There's nothing worse than feeling like the scum of the earth. I've been facing some hard truths about myself lately and it is not pretty. It feels like a sinking stone when you finally start to truly acknowledge your shit self. the logical side knows I need to work on those traits but the ghost of those traits are still putting up a last fight. Trying to hold on to the inner self as I know it. 

I would like to think I've always listened to myself and my voice. The fact that I didn't work on whatever conclusion I reached is a different story. What is changing is perhaps that I'm ready for some kind of inner shifting and metamorphosis. That's why it hits differently now than a few months ago when I was told the same thing by the same person. 

I will take some time to reflect and mourn my bad, pathetic self. Because that was still me.