stuck in the loop

 Often.....more often than my liking....I fall into periods of intense rage and bouts of self pitying crying sessions. 

The anger is fuelled by nothing, or rather everything. I am angry at myself. I am angry at the world. I am angry at what is lost. I am angry at what could have been. I am angry at what I did, and what I didn't do. This anger is triggered by the most innocent things - my mother asking me to find her a particular video on YouTube, my aunt asking me translations of the evening news, my father asking me what I did during the day. Not even half a minute into these requests and questions, there is a surge of senseless anger building in me, overpowering any good intentions I may have. I am no longer a daughter. I am just raw emotion.

And then there are the tears that come also come uninvited and without warning.

I also feel nothing. There is nothing in me, and I am nothing at all. There is no past, no present, no future. There is only vast nothingness.