Why I don't want kids

There's one thing I've been increasingly certain of over the past couple of years. I don't want kids of my own. 

I have always liked children. I think they are adorable lil humans. And I actually think I'd be a good parent. When I was younger, a family of my own obviously meant children - either one or two girls. I even had names figured out. 

But now all that desire is slowly vanishing to be replaced with apathy.

It's nothing to do with currently being single and not having a romantic partner. I was in a long term relationship for a decade. Like most young people, starting a family was always a plan but a very distant one. Somehow, we always had plenty of good reasons to not consider that seriously - not ready for kids, not mature enough, no financial stability. Both of us were definitely not ready to step into the next stage of adulthood. 

But I saw plenty of people around me, in the same situation, having kids and while being parents is challenging, they seemed to be doing okay for the most part. 

Anyway, I'm just glad I am not a parent at this time. I will continue to love children. I will also be glad that life brought me here to this stage in my life where I am child free and happy about it.

My reasons - which are in no particular order - are as follows.

1. I'm lazy and don't want to bother with the daily task of taking care of any kids.
2. I'm against the idea of feeling vulnerable. Little humans we birth are walking about in the world - unprotected, open to scary incidents. My heart cannot take this emotional upheaval.
3. The cost of raising children is high. It's not fair for kids to see their parents struggle financially, I think.
4. The idea of pregnancy has started to be very unappealing. I didn't have any opinion about it before because I just accepted that it's something women have to go through if they want children but now I'm decidedly turning my back against nine whole months of aches and what-not. Just very unfair of god or whoever designed our fragile human bodies.
5. The mother is always going to be the primary caregiver. Am I up for the biggest, most enduring role of my life? No, I am not.

None of us chose to be born. I'm sure a lot of us love that we are alive and that we get to experience this revolutionary act of choosing to live every single day. But I'm equally sure many of us would rather not exist. And then there's this daunting, inevitability of old age and illness which is frankly scarier than death. Do I want to be responsible for a human being who has to experience these two scary things? Thankfully, not everyone is destined to suffer a painful decline into ageing and then death.

But because life is long, I have left open the minuscule possibility of me changing my mind. I hope I do not. But in case I do, then there's always adoption. Because I sure as heck will not be birthing any human. I am in my mid 30s and I'm already very tired and achy. I refuse to take on any physical challenges.

Enjoy this imperfect picture of perfect tulips, please.